Strategies to Address Bullying and Harassment in the Schools

Strategies to Address Bullying and Harassment in the Schools
by Donna Gilcher

The need to address bullying in our school is extremely important. The way to address bullying though is not through punishment or by "bullying" children to stop, but instead through education on what bullying is, how to identify it, and ways to combat it.

Research shows us that some of the best ways to combat bullying is to create climates of acceptance and respect within our schools. This is both in language we, as adults, use to speak to children, as well as the language we allow children to use with each other. Paying attention to our language helps us in never speaking down to children and/or avoiding the use of derogatory or demeaning language.

There are many forms of bullying, these include physical, emotional, sexual and verbal. Each of these forms of bullying directly affects the bully as well as the person being bullied.

The best ways to address bullying in the schools is to approach it in a comprehensive manner across the whole system. The following are suggested strategies for parents and students as provided by the California Department of Education.

Strategies for Parents
The best protection parents can offer their children who are involved in a bully/victim conflict is to foster their child's confidence and independence and to be willing to take action when needed. The following suggestions are offered to help parents identify appropriate responses to conflict experienced by their children at school:
• Be careful not to convey to a child who is being victimized that something is wrong with him/her or that he/she deserves such treatment. When a child is subjected to abuse from his or her peers, it is not fair to fault the child's social skills. Respect is a basic right: All children are entitled to courteous and respectful treatment. Convince your child that he or she is not at fault and that the bully's behavior is the source of the problem.

• It is appropriate to call the school if your child is involved in a conflict as either a victim or a bully. Work collaboratively with school personnel to address the problem. Keep records of incidents so that you can be specific in your discussion with school personnel about your child's experiences at school.

• You may wish to arrange a conference with a teacher, principal or counselor. School personnel may be able to offer some practical advice to help you and your child. They may also be able to intervene directly with each of the participants. School personnel may have observed the conflict firsthand and may be able to corroborate your child's version of the incident, making it harder for the bully or the bully's parents to deny its authenticity.

• While it is often important to talk with the bully or his/ her parents, be careful in your approach. Speaking directly to the bully may signal to the bully that your child is a weakling. Speaking with the parents of a bully may not accomplish anything since lack of parental involvement in the child's life is a typical characteristic of parents of bullies. Parents of bullies may also fail to see anything wrong with bullying, equating it to "standing up for oneself."

• Offer support to your child but do not encourage dependence on you. Rescuing your child from challenges or assuming responsibility yourself when things are not going well does not teach your child independence. The more choices a child has to make, the more he or she develops independence, and independence can contribute to self-confidence.

• Do not encourage your child to be aggressive or to strike back. Chances are that it is not his or her nature to do so. Rather, teach your child to be assertive. A bully often is looking for an indication that his/her threats and intimidation are working. Tears or passive acceptance only reinforces the bully's behavior. A child who does not respond as the bully desires is not likely to be chosen as a victim. For example, children can be taught to respond to aggression with humor and assertions rather than acquiescence.

• Be patient. Conflict between children more than likely will not be resolved overnight. Be prepared to spend time with your child, encouraging your child to develop new interests or strengthen existing talents and skills that will help develop and improve his/her self esteem. Also help your child to develop new or bolster existing friendships. Friends often serve as buffers to bullying.

• If the problem persists or escalates, you may need to seek an attorney's help or contact local law enforcement officials. Bullying or acts of bullying should not be tolerated in the school or the community. Students should not have to tolerate bullying at school any more than adults would tolerate such situations at work.

Strategies for Students
Students may not know what to do when they observe a classmate being bullied or experience such victimization themselves. Classroom discussions and activities may help students develop a variety of appropriate actions that they can take when they witness or experience such victimization. For instance, depending on the situation and their own level of comfort, students can:
• seek immediate help from an adult;

• report bullying/victimization incidents to school personnel;

• speak up and/or offer support to the victim when they see him/her being bullied-for example, picking up the victim's books and handing them to him or her;

• privately support those being hurt with words of kindness or condolence;

• express disapproval of bullying behavior by not joining in the laughter, teasing or spreading of rumors or gossip; and

• attempt to defuse problem situations either single handedly or in a group - for example, by taking the bully aside and asking him/her to "cool it."

Remember, the best way to address bullying in the schools is to approach it in a comprehensive and systemic manner. This means working together with school administrators and classroom teachers to resolve the issues as well.
Please join our discussion to share your experiences in helping your own child deal with bullying and harassment at school.